The Invisible Load: Why You’re So Tired (Even If You ‘Did Nothing’ Today)

You know that feeling at the end of the day when someone asks, “What did you get up to?” and your mind goes blank? You didn’t finish the laundry. You didn’t reply to the messages. The house is still messy. But you’re exhausted - physically, mentally, emotionally.

That’s the invisible load.

It’s all the unseen work of keeping life going. The thinking, the remembering, the pre-empting, the organising. It doesn’t always look like much from the outside, but it’s there, all day long.

What is the invisible load?

It’s the quiet mental checklist running on a loop in the back of your mind:

• “We’re almost out of nappies.”

• “Did I RSVP to that birthday party?”

• “He’s been clingy lately - is something wrong?”

• “I need to book the dentist. And reschedule that other thing I forgot. And write a meal plan for the week, and then the shopping list!"

It’s the emotional holding, planning ahead, decision fatigue, and the constant juggling roles. And it’s often carried by women - especially mums - without much acknowledgment.

Why is it so exhausting?

Because it never stops. You can’t clock out. Even when you sit down, your brain is still running through logistics.

And because so much of it is invisible, there’s no real “proof” of your effort. It’s easy to feel like you haven’t done enough. But in reality, you’ve held together dozens of moving pieces, soothed multiple emotions (not just your child’s), and kept things functioning. That’s not nothing. That’s a full-time job.

So what do we do about it?

We probably can’t drop the load entirely (unless someone else starts picking up half of it - which, by the way, they can). But we can start making it visible, to ourselves and others.

Here’s what’s helped me:

1. Name it.

When you feel that end-of-day fatigue creeping in, remind yourself: “I’ve been carrying the invisible load today.” It’s not self-pity. It’s awareness.

2. Make the list.

Sometimes, writing down everything you’ve mentally carried helps validate the effort. Even if no one else sees it, you do. And that matters.

3. Outsource where you can.

Whether it’s asking your partner to take over bath time without needing instructions or automating a weekly grocery order - reduce the mental tabs you have open.

4. Take up actual space.

Give yourself permission to rest without needing to “earn” it. Sit. Scroll. Breathe. Lie down. You’re not lazy, you’re carrying what no one else sees.

5. Talk about it.

The more we share what the invisible load looks like, the more we normalise its weight. You’re not failing. You’re just doing more than most people notice.

This isn’t a post with a neat solution. The truth is, a lot of this isn’t fair. But if you’re feeling stretched thin by days that seem “empty”, know this:

You’re carrying more than enough. And that tiredness you feel? It’s real. You’ve earned your rest.

— Lucy x